The Art of Singlehood: Chapter 1

An Introduction
It’s a slightly breezy 60’s something Columbus evening, and I’m sitting outside on the front porch of my condo, typing on my laptop, watching neighbors walk dogs and drag kids, and enjoying the occasional adolescent motorcycle roar down Powell Rd.

I thought I’d begin a new blog series dealing with my singlehood as a 30 year old man. I often wonder how married people view the single. Sometimes, I’ve found that the hitched folks feel sorry for you because you’re still “incomplete.” At times, your well meaning friends or good willed family members may even make attempts to hook you up with the sweet young girl who sits across from their cubicle or their pew in church. On occasion, it works, and other times, these scenarios bomb the big one. Many a married person will try to help, ignore, or understand the single, but at the end of the day, we are a foreign breed, a moving target, and a marvel of humanity. I hope in the following pages to further unravel the mysteries of what goes on behind the peculiar mind and life of the single.

A Boy’s World Changes
I’ve observed many things as a single man in an often married world. To begin, you graduate from college, many of your friends marry within a couple of years of graduation. Some of them just disappear after the honeymoon, while some still make a commendable effort to keep in touch and not make you feel totally inferior.

Your single world continues to transform as you get older. All the “opportunities” you might have had in college start to slim, and if you’re fortunate, you find a good singles’ ministry in your early career days. As much as you try, you can’t avoid the fact that you’re checking off years, and the college freshman you once found so attractive start to seem like children, and any temptation to ask one out makes you feel like a dirty old man. You quickly realize that you are now looking for someone a bit older and more experienced at life.

57 Varieties
This brings me to the topic of singles’ groups. I do have a sincere sympathy for people who don’t want to work with “the singles.” Within a singles’ ministry can live a plethora of people... everyone from visiting college students who are looking for anything but a relationship (because their ivy league boyfriend will be waiting for them at the library when they get back to campus) to the long time regulars who have endured 3-4 trendy ministry name changes, and are still waiting for “just the right opportunity” to ask “Betty Sue” out who’s been sitting with her girlfriends at that same corner table for last five years.

Singles come in more possibilities than Heinz. You have people in the middle of career changes... some are just “passing through” and will soon be off to another state for a better job... some are always on mission's trips, and show up more frequently on powerpoint presentations than in person... and then you have the engaged couples, some of which are completely aloof and lost in each others’ eyes, while others are determined to remind you that they each have found their significant other and you haven’t. Fun times indeed.

Dissecting the Meat Market
There are a ton of opinions among singles in regards to what a singles’ ministry should look like. Some believe it should be strictly reserved for making new Christian friends and learning more about God’s Word, while others are on the prowl to find their dream Christian man stud or lady babe. I often see the two above mentalities colliding. In my church’s singles group, I once heard a long time attending girl say she “would never date anyone in the group” while in contrast, I’ve seen guys flock like jackals to the table of the new cute girl who walks in some Sunday evening. I personally don’t think there’s anything wrong with looking for a mate at church (a lot better than looking at the bars), but I do think there needs to be some balance. I’ve just concluded that a single’s group is going to look clumsy... regardless of how many committee meetings you have or how many electric guitars you bring on stage. Even the most dynamic and persuasive leader can never completely resolve this divide between “meat market” and “nun house”.

So goes the first installment of the “Art of Singlehood.”

Originally published June 1, 2006