{Your Witty Comments Here}So when am I going to get off this singlehood topic, you ask? Probably never. It is ever evolving, like my bald spot. I want to at least make it to 10 chapters if possible. I hope to entitle chapter 10 "A Little Perspective From My Married Friends." So, if you are my friend, and if you are married, and if you are reading my blog, this is your big chance!! Look through my last 6 "Art of Singlehood" entries (and any entries to come), and jot down your thoughts. Email them to me and if they're interesting and witty enough, I will include them in chapter 10!! Write a paragraph. A couple paragraphs. A Haiku. Whatever. If you'd like, I will leave your words completely anonymous, or I will post your first name and city... whatever you'd like! Start sending the insights!! I may compile all ten chapters and work to get a mini-book published and distributed to church bookstores nationwide! Or maybe not. Or maybe.
A Fly On The Marriage Ceremony Wall
Well, for those of you who don't know, I run sound for lots of events, including weddings. I've probably seen hundreds of weddings over the last couple years. Some are boring. Some are funny enough to blog about. Sometimes I see things I shouldn't see when looking over the sound perch down at all the people. Anyways. So, here we go. Here is a small list of funny situations I've been blessed to observe.
1. The bride walked down the aisle to the theme of "The Last of the Mohicans." I like the song, but it is totally inappropriate for a wedding I think, unless you want people to envision slane Indians falling off cliffs. That is not a cool picture, at least for me.
2. The western theme wedding when all the groomsmen wore cowboy hats and boots and the little ring bearer boy was pulling a red wagon with a small dog in it. A shoot out between West Virginia and the Old West on the dusty SUV tracked streets of Powell, OH. Wow and Ye-Haw.
3. The newscast personality wedding where two apparently popular people with lots of make-up and hair gel met with personal vows which sounded like really bad Hallmark cards. The pianist was paid 100s of dollars to play one song, and all of the other songs were CD tunes from Disney movies, hiss and all. The song played while they ran down the aisle after being pronounced man and wife was some sort of circus music with tubas. What in the world. The wedding program exclaimed "It's Our Wedding Day!!!!" sort of like you'd see at the end of a loony tunes cartoon with a swirl and a "That's All Folks!!" On the back of the program was a Walt Disney quote that basically read, "If you wish, all your dreams will come true." Right. I did like the stretch Hummer though. Maybe our military should look into those. You could scale some serious dunes with that sucker.
4. The two back-to-back weddings where the first wedding party accidently took the rings and marriage certificate from the second wedding. The bride and groom in the second wedding had to borrow some rings from their friends, all the while, the people from the first wedding were unreachable while out eating dinner.
5. The bagpiper who didn't know when to stop. He played for the prelude of the wedding outside the small chapel, and continued playing as the pianist began playing just before the wedding inside the chapel. I don't think I've ever heard a bad bagpiper, but this guy's intonation was terrible. I'm sure kilted men were turning over in their graves. Eventually, someone from the audience walked back to me at the soundboard in the back of the room, and asked, "Are they supposed to be playing at the same time?" I replied, "I don't think so... but I have an idea." At this point, while looking the bagpiper straight in the eye, I closed the two wooden doors. The second the doors shut, he stopped playing. I felt like I had just ripped a lollipop out of a little child's hands. I think he got the point, and I think he later wanted to prove some point because at the end of the wedding, he walked into the back of the chapel and pointed his tubes right in my face and started playing. Those things are loud!! I don't think rock guitarists are the only musicians who are flirting with the loss of their hearing!! I tried to smile at the guy, make eye contact, etc. but I think he didn't like me at this point. What are you going to do.
These are a few highlights. I'm sure there will be more to come.
Originally published August 26, 2006
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