The Little Single Who CouldI’ve made a lot of false predictions in my days, especially in regards to couples and relationships. A number of months ago, I was making the observation that my church’s young adult group was filled with wallflowers, complete with one girl who swore, “She would never date anybody inside our group.” I now feel I’m witnessing in contrast the climax of a romantic bag of popcorn where guys and girls are getting shacked up quicker than Orvell Redenbacher can turn corn feed into white puffy buttery goodness. I actually really think this is awesome, and am happy for many of my friends. I mean this, seriously. However, in the midst of the goo goo eyeing and two by twoing, what I sadly notice is a competing voice of complaint from some of those who are still playing it solo. I pray I don’t and haven’t come across as one of these.
I have a dating friend who once sent me (I think innocently) an email in response to a blog entry to encourage me to “hang in there” with the search for a mate and my interpreted frustrations as a single (as if I was that story book train trying to make it up the hill). I’m not really sure that he read my blog in context of everything else I’ve been writing...in fact, I’m not even sure that he read the blog at all, maybe just the title. My purpose in writing these single’s columns isn’t to whine about how tough it is to be “by myself.” Neither am I attempting to raise up a mob of singles sandwiched in “down with the institution of marriage” protest signs, and lined along the city sidewalks pumping their fists, and marching in rhythm to the praises to “single power.” I really hope I haven’t given that impression. If anything, I’ve wanted to make a point that there are many reasons to rejoice in singlehood... and likewise, there are a lot of reasons to rejoice in a solid marriage. I’ve also tried to really point out that people can smell of bad attitude and show of ugly disposition in either situation. Married men or women can complain about their spouses. Single folks can pout about how “there are no good guys” and how “nobody has asked them out” and how “it sucks to be single.” Of course, this goes two ways... both men and women can be guilty of woe-is-me-ism. What I don’t think some single individuals get is that people of the opposite sex are watching, and taking note, whether it appears that way or not. A stinky attitude overpowers the hot outfit, the striking smile, and the splash of designer perfume. You’re not going to get a good smart guy by complaining him into your life, nor broadcasting to the world how miserable you are being alone.
The Limburger Lady
I once met a girl (and no, it’s no one at my church / church group / Bible study, or any of my friends, or anyone I’ve dated, or anyone any of you would know... so don’t start surmising ...I guarantee it’s not you) who at first seemed to be kind and sweet and all those wonderful sugar and spice things. However, after hanging around her in a group on several occasions, I discovered that pretty much everything that came out of her mouth was negative. One of her gripes was that “everyone in her single’s group were getting married” and in her opinion “,that really sucked.” Initially, she seemed like someone I might be interested in, but my impression just grew sour with time. Now before I come across as being the judge, I will admit that on some occasions, my attitude has likewise been a dirty diaper overdue. None of us is perfect. What I’m obviously trying to say here is that there is no substitute for a good attitude, and a bad one can spoil everything else which might normally be good and appealing to a warm blooded male (or female).
I once heard a story about a man who was walking around suspecting that everyone else had B.O. or gas problems, but as it turns out, he had a smear of Limburger cheese on his upper lip! The problem wasn’t the people around him; it was him!! I don’t foresee any lady swooning over a man who wears the stench of a stale attitude and I can’t imagine that any guy would find himself obsessively fascinated with a girl who has the mouth of a morning radio talk show host dogging everything that comes across the desk.
Speed Waiting
I’ve never tried speed dating, but I know some people who have. These days, we as a society are blessed with fast food, drive-thru car washes, online automatic bill pay, and now the newest marvel of the millennium, the “hitched in 60 seconds” method of opposite sex acquaintance. (For those of you who don’t know what I’m talking about...this is a dating service where you rotate between tables, getting to talk to each person for a minute or two. If you like someone, you get his/her number, and check off everyone else who doesn’t peak your interest).
I’m not going to say speed dating is a bad thing, and I won’t argue that going out and searching for a mate should be shamed. However, I do want to remind us all to reconsider the timeline of a God who is neither bound by minutes nor our impatience. There are many passages in the Bible which speak of “Waiting on the Lord.” (Ps. 5:3, 27:14, 33:20, 37:7, 37:34, 38:15, 40:1, 119:166, 130:5-6, Isa 8:17, 30:18, Lam 3:24, 3:26, Hos 12:6, Mic 7:7, Zeph 3:8, Acts 1:4, Rom 8:25,1 Cor 4:5, James 5:7, Jude 1:21) I had one friend tell me he met a woman who rushed into marriage at the ripe age of 22 because she thought she would “never get married” all to end up getting divorced a few years down the road. Good things don’t always come to those who wait (on this side of eternity), but I think better things do often accompany those who are willing to let flowers bloom.
There is no such thing as “speed waiting.” In fact, the very combination is a contradiction of terms. Maybe you will meet the person God wants you to be with for the rest of your life through a speed dating service. Who knows? Crazier things have happened, and have worked out. What I’m concentrating on is the condition of our heart attitudes. Are we practicing patience? There is no point in fighting to get what we want if God doesn’t want it for us. It’s easy to start believing that God owes us this or that. God really doesn’t owe us a thing, except Hell (as harsh as this may sound). You may save yourself sexually your entire life for that special person, and God may never give you the opportunity to get married. That would really be a drag, but it’s a reality. God may give you the desire to have children, but that might not be God’s will for your life, as much as you want it to be. These are difficult things to except. If you’re single, I’m right there with you. We are not guaranteed anything besides God’s unchanging love and His eternal reward to those who obey Him (and these are incredible reasons to rejoice).
The One String We Have
So how do we respond? We work to make Christ the center of our lives, and we allow Him to let everything else fall into place as He would have it. There is a simple yet profound Charles Swindoll quote posted above my bathroom mirror which reads, “
“The longer I live, the more realize the impact of attitude upon life. Attitude, to me, is more important than the past, than education, than money, than cirumstances, than failures, than what people think say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have... and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is ten percent what happens to me and ninety percent how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our attitudes.”
Easier spoken, then followed...I know... but this should be our pursuit. Matt 6:33 says, “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” God will meet our needs, and He knows what those needs are more than we ever could. Maybe you and I don’t have a need to be married (only a desire). However, the way I look at it, we also serve a God who not only provides us with what we need; He gives us what we don’t deserve and surprises us with blessings we were never expecting. So hang on my single friends... the little train may soon be clearing the top of the hill. If I remember correctly, that little train had a smile on his face the whole time.
Originally published September 26, 2006
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