Bought Me A Chryster (As Big As A Whale)I had a grandmother who used to say “Saturday is the loneliness night of the week.” To compensate, often on Saturday evenings, after dressing up, she and my grandfather would go for long drives in the car "just for fun,” while occasionally stopping at an Arby’s or similar restaurant for a little “eating out.” My grandmother never drove (her entire life) so my grandfather was always the one navigating the large boat of a Chrysler. My grandma also loved to go to the mall and shop, and often, that was one highlight of my grandparents’ Saturday nights on the town (at least for my grandma; my grandpa might have been bored out of his mind).
Yes, obviously, my grandparents were married. So why am I using them as an example for a blog written to singles? Because this entry is in fact composed for everyone. Why? Well, I’ve seen that loneliness can strike a sweeping gamete of humanity... the bachelor/bachelorette... the “happily” married husband or wife... even kids can feel the teeth of being alone. Regardless, I will begin by speaking specifically to my single friends.
Give The Bottle A Rest
In many of my “art of singlehood” blogs, I’ve been unforgiving and to the point. I’ve said things like, “Don’t mean to burst any bubbles here, but the reality is, some of us will never be married.” Although that is true, I don’t want to make light of what concerns many of us singles day in and day out. Often, it really isn’t easy being alone, and the solution goes much deeper than us choosing to simply “get over it.” We obviously need to get past the denial stage where we keep believing for sure that “there is someone out there for us.” It always annoys me when people throw this bandage at me. Maybe there is somebody for me; maybe there isn’t. The key here is being open to God’s will. If God desires for you or I to be married, He will lead us in that direction, and in His time. Eventually, we can come to this point where we are "patiently" waiting for that mate, but in the meantime, we often can alternately start cramming our lives with people, jobs, ministries, cars, homes, entertainment, etc... anything to help us forget that we are alone. Been there, done that. I’ll be honest here... sometimes it’s hard for me to look my loneliness in the face. If you haven’t done it already, try it for yourself. Sometime, instead of calling up your friends, or flipping on the tv... have a little one-on-one with your loneliness. You can sit on one couch and he can sit on the other. Just take a little time to stare him in the face. Look him up and down, and realize that he’s maybe not as scary as you once thought. I know I’m speaking in illustration here, but what I’m saying is this... if you are lonely, you need to begin by admitting that... and instead of picking up the bottle (figuratively), go grab your Bible instead and read the Psalms... or sit on the front porch in the pouring rain and have a one-on-one with the God who made you. Whether we’re married or not, the truth still stands... we weren’t meant to be alone... but we shouldn’t try to patch that hole with the wrong spackle... find someone to date... or call up the friend who always makes us laugh, etc., etc... we have to start by taking that sickening emptiness to God, lay it before Him, and drink from the only water source that will completely satisfy. Then, we can wipe away the tears, wash our faces, and go out to healthfully and thankfully enjoy the friends and hobbies and material goods that God has so graciously provided.
No Need To Remind Me
Loneliness is real, and loneliness just doesn’t disappear by willing it away. We’ve got to start by digging up the roots of the problem. We should ask ourselves, “Why am I lonely?” and “What am I expecting to make that loneliness go away?” Maybe we think we are lonely because we come home to an empty house every night, or we feel pathetic sitting by ourselves at the dining room table eating tv dinners, when we dream of cooking a good meal and sharing it with someone we love. Maybe hanging out with the nieces and nephews just reinforces the regret that we don't have kids of our own. Maybe we feel like we’ve been dealt a bad hand, and maybe we’re even jealous of others who have another to share life with. A variety of things can capitalize one's solitude. Often, we don't want to admit our loneliness nor deal with it. Many of us will do anything to avoid being reminded that we are alone. Also, we may not want to talk with anyone about how we really feel because it shows weakness, even defeat. Especially for guys... we've been taught to be tough. Most of us don't want people feeling sorry for us. Nobody needs to see the cracks in our armor. Men are trail blazers, right? Lone rangers don't need the help of others... or do they?
“X” Is A Moving Target
I again turn my focus to “everyone” and ask the following questions. What causes you to be lonely? What expectation of yours is not being fulfilled? How can you submit that expectation to God? What are you using to "fix" your loneliness? What aren’t you letting God be in your life? Which of His promises are you choosing to disbelieve or ignore? It’s my conviction that loneliness unattended is idolatry. If we don't take our loneliness to God, we will start searching for "idols" to displace our emotional voids. Realize that God is bigger than your loneliness. If it was His will for you to have “X”’ (a marriage partner, kids, closer friends, etc.), you would have that. The good Lord above gives and takes away, and we need to always be thankful for what He has entrusted us with. We shouldn’t be complaining about what we don’t have. If we live our lives trying to cram the creation (instead of the Creator) into our wanting hearts, we’ll always be discontent. Truth be told, many of us wouldn’t be happy even if we had “what we wanted.” A discontent heart is unquenchable as it feeds off of thoughts of the “next best thing,” Unfortunately, the "next best thing" is as elusive as a soap bubble.
Look At All The Lonely People
The Beatles said it well. We need to realize that there are lonely people all around us. What’s the point of complaining that you don’t have any closer friends (or a husband or wife) if you’re not “making yourself friendly?” Go out and help someone else who’s lonely. Maybe you’ll feel a bit better, and possibly even make a lifelong friend in the process.
Originally published June 27, 2006
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